Thoughts on Dating (While Black) in Japan

Long before coming to Japan, I have had a thing for Asian men. I have always found them attractive in many ways - probably too numerous to name.  I would say that more than 75% of the men I have dated in my life have been Asian men and I foresee that this theme will continue indefinitely. I guess you could say I am suffering from chronic 'Asian Persuasion'.

Because of this, ...ahem..."infliction," I have spent a great deal of time thinking about what it would be like to date a Japanese man once I finally made it to Japan. I hoped to meet a great Japanese guy to date, perhaps fall in love, and blah blah blah... I spent many hours researching the topic of 'black women dating in Japan' and "foreigners dating in Japan' and my initial results were pretty dismal. Black women don't seem to have as much luck on the dating scene in Japan. Nevertheless, I was not defeated - I was determined to prove every statistic wrong!

Now that I am here, I am more or less on the fence about finding that special person. I haven't given up, but I am more cautiously optimistic about anything like that happening. There are three main reasons for this:

1.   Japanese men are not forward, hard to read and not really emotional. Perhaps I am "too American" in my belief that a guy who likes a girl should just testicle-up and say what he wants; but I honestly believe that Japanese men are far too quiet about their feelings. You can never be sure if a guy likes you or just thinks you are fun to hang out with and wants to be friends. In my mind I am often volleying the thought - "Is he friendly or more than friendly? Which one is it??!!" It's exhausting.  Clear, blatant flirting does not seem to happen here - at least it's NOWHERE near as blatant as in the US. If Japanese couples didn't occasionally hold hands (and even more rarely - KISS! *gasp*), I really could not tell who was in a relationship or who just happened to be sitting next to a stranger.
2.  Japanese guys may or may not be intimidated/enthused/horrified by Black women. Well you guys, I cannot hide behind this facade any longer, so I am going to just come out and say it - I am Black. Yes, its true, I am a Black woman. Take a time to absorb that if you need to. As a Black woman, I have encountered many curious onlookers in my daily life and most of them have been Japanese men. I have been stared at for nearly 45 minutes straight while on a train from Akihabara (to wake up from a mid-train nap and have an old Asian man staring you down from the far end of the train car is pretty creepy), I had chefs at a restaurant smile and gawk at me (these guys still do this even after I eaten at this restaurant a few times - I would stop going there, but the チャハン is soo delicious) and I have had guys literally stop what they were doing and watch me, unblinking, as if a unicorn had suddenly appeared out of thin air. I'd like to think it was because they had never seen such a beautiful creature, but lets be real - its because I am currently the blackest and weirdest thing in the room. I'm a stubborn girl and I believe I can do or be anything that someone says I can't, but this is one area where I somewhat little powerless. I feel sad knowing that my ethnicity might prevent people from actually trying to approach me or get to know me.
3. Japanese guys may want to date me just for the "cool" aspect.  I have read many articles about foreigners (mostly Caucasian men) who have been tracked down by so called "Gaijin Hunters" which are Japanese women/men who seek out foreigners just to brag about dating a foreigner and to have half gaijin babies. I certainly do not want to be someone's trophy - I have way to much to offer to be relegated to "Hey guys! Check out my cool American Black girlfriend!" One time while at a bar a Japanese guy came up to me and sparked a conversation with me. Not long after hearing that I was from California, he blurted out, "I like you." So I asked him, "Do you like me because I'm American?" His answer? "Yes." I'd like to think that some language barrier interfered with this conversation, but the truth of the matter is, some guys will want to have a relationship with me simply because I am foreign- and that is NOT what I am looking for. Although I like Japanese guys, I refuse to date a guy simply because he is  Japanese. He will also have to be nice, cute,  smart, interesting, have a sense of humor, honest, and many other things. I expect a guy who is interested in me to feel the same way. 

Overall I can say that from my present experiences, that dating/building relationships will not be easy, in fact, it may be very challenging. But I am confident in myself and believe that God will bring me the right person when the time is right. After all I shouldn't settle for anything less.

The ultimate conclusion to this post is far from over. Stay tuned.

Until then,

じゃまた

Ashia A.

Trip to Jigokudani Park: Monkeying Around Nagano

After New Years, I thought it would be a fun idea to go to Nagano and visit the Jigokudani Park. For those who don't know, Jigokudani Park is park up in the mountains where you can visit and see snow monkeys hanging out and even relaxing in a man-made hot spring. The monkeys are generally pretty relaxed around people and you can get up fairly close to them and takes photos.

Me riding the Shinkansen!

If you want to see the snow monkeys, I suggest you plan to go around December - January when it cold and snowy and the monkeys are most likely to come down for a dip in the hot spring. You will also want to make your hotel reservations ahead of time. I made my reservations in December and just barely caught the last of the cheapest rooms.  I booked through Hotel.com at Chisun Grand Nagano and highly recommend it. While the rooms themselves were pretty basic and not fancy at all, they were clean, relatively cheap (about 5000~6500 yen for a two person double bed), had all the basics you would find in any other hotel (towels, shampoo, body wash, etc) and had staff at the service desk who could speak excellent English. Also, the hotel was located close to some restaurants (and some pizza place, I think Pizza Hut - anyway it was delicious), several convenience stores and also about 5-7 minutes away from Nagano Station. There is also a temple and many 温泉 (hot spring) located within Nagano. If you have the time, it is worth checking them out.
  
From our hotel room, we were able to quickly get to the train station and onto the NagaDen Bus which took us on an 1 -1 1/2 hr long drive toward the park. NagaDen bus is the easiest and probably the cheapest way to get to Jigokudani Park. The stop is located outside the station on the ground floor. There will most likely be a sign that says "Monkey Park" as well as a bunch of foreigners waiting in line, so it shouldn't be too hard to locate. The bus costs about 1400 yen but basically takes you right to the trail. Here are some sights that may be helpful in finding the NagaDen bus: Go!Nagano and Nagano Bus Schedule - be warned, the schedule is in Japanese. However, the front desk at the hotel will have no problem helping you catch the right bus/trains to the park. 

From the trail it was about a 40 minutes walk through snow and rocks until we reached the actual area where the monkeys were. The walk was not terribly difficult, but with snow and ice, it made for a somewhat perilous hike. I recommend bring snow shoes, but if you don't have any, at least bring your most sturdy boots and several pairs of socks. Also make sure to being a nice, warm jacket as the trees occasionally like to drop a load of snow on your head.

Overall the experience was awesome and totally worth the $200+ dollars I spent on the whole venture (riding the Shinkansen was the priciest - about $85 one way to Nagano from Tsukuba! Ouch!) Make sure to take lots a photos of the monkeys; but please, please be respectful of the monkeys. Don't get too close, touch them (they will bite), glare at them or try to feed them.

Here is the Schedule for the Monkey Park (based off their website):

        ■ Summer season (generally between April - October)
             8:30-17:00
        ■ Winter season (generally between November - March)
             9:00-16:00

 Admission for adults is 500 yen; or 420 yen for a group of 20 or more people.

Have an awesome time at Jigokudani Park!

Enjoying the world's hottest chocolate at the gift shop in the park. Seriously it was still tongue-burning hot after 20 minutes.

じゃまた

 Ashia A.

New Year, Improved Me: My Goals and Resolutions for 2015

Now that 2014 has ended and 2015 has begun, I have been thinking more and more about the many goals that I want to accomplish both here in Japan and when I return home. Following the end of my study abroad program, I will be only 1-2 years away from graduating with my Bachelor's degree in Biology and Minor in Japanese and Chemistry. It won't be much longer until I am out living in the real world - an undergrad no longer!  As scary as it is and as much as I want to stay in college forever, it is time to seriously plan out my life's dreams/goals and how I plan to accomplish them. 

My most immediate goals though are for my study abroad program in Japan. Here is what I hope to accomplish while I am abroad:

• Become near fluent in Japanese.  This will of course take a lot more than 1 year of living in Japan. I would however like to be able to watch a Japanese movie or anime without relying on the subtitles and be able to comfortably have a conversation in Japanese. If I were to grade my level in Japanese, I probably  give myself a solid B - which is good, but could be a lot better. By the time I leave, I hope to have an A!
• Get solid A's and B's in all of my courses at University of Tsukuba.  Admittedly, the grading system and education system in Japan completely works in my favor for this goal. First off, at University of Tsukuba, 80% and above with earn an A and 70% and above will earn you a B. This alone makes it much easier for me to get good grades. Secondly, the classes are a lot less demanding than American college courses, although you take a lot more of them (9+ classes) in a semester.  This is not to say that they are incredibly easy, but I don't have nearly the same amount of homework, tests, quizzes, in class assignments, and essays that are a constant in American classes. That said, I am confident I will leave with good grades.
• Make 10 new friends in Japan.  This goal has been far surpassed, although most of my friends are other foreigners. I hope to change that and make a lot more Japanese friends this year. 
• Be open to any and all new experiences. While in Japan I want to say yes to any new experience no matter what it is - and I am well on my way to accomplishing this goal. Recently, I tried octopus for the first time. In the US, this would have never ever happened; but now that I am becoming more open person, I won't shy away from unusual or different things, but instead run to them! (P.S Octopus is very chewy, but not too bad tasting ;D)

I will add to this list as more ideas come to me and update this list as each goal is reached.
What are your goals for the new year?

Stay tuned for my progress towards an even better me! よいお年を！！ Happy New Years!!


じゃまた

Ashia A.